Still?
by morethanemployed
Summary: Kira/Odo. Fluffy, and angsty. Don't like? Don't read.
1. Chapter 1

This takes place after 'The Die is Cast' of the third season.

**Dry**

I stood still. It's an odd thing, I know. To stand absolutely still. Humanoids are always moving, breathing, eating... kissing?

Dr. Jazida Dax was becoming increasingly familiar with one of my security personel. I tried my best to suppress a sigh, wishing that I could become increasingly familiar with someone special... Major Kira Nerys.

During the Cardassian occupation, life was simpler for me. Criminals would commit crimes, I would find them, the Cardassians would punish the criminals. Life went forward, but ultimately, nothing changed. Cardassians never change, really, they are stuck to their absolutes. I've been a rock, and as one I changed more than them. But still, I know, I am still.

Absolutely still.

Then... the revolution. Upheaval. Chaos. no more clear lines, just chaos. Then, almost as bad, the Federation.

Ah...

Should I even begin to bother to explain why the Federation bothers me so much? The rights that citizens have for no apparent reason but to slow down the process of justice!

But then, that's another problem. But not the one I am currently dealing with.

See, the revolution took what I knew, what I find... calming... and spun it around on me. The world around me... lost shape. Ironic for a shape-shifter, isn't it?

Jadzia uncoupled from the officer a bit out-of-sorts. She met my eyes in time to see me roll mine in exasperation.

She strode over without hesitation. Most of the time, females feel the need to be embarrassed. Joined Trills, on the other hand, seem to find such a thing unnecessary. I understand why. It's a waste of time to be embarrassed by how you feel.

Even if you do feel for someone who doesn't feel anything for you.

The doors opened and the now-late security officer nods to me bashfully. I squint my eyes at him to let him know his actions have not eluded me. Looking back at our Science Officer gave me pause.

"Good morning Odo," She grins.

"Good morning," I intone. Humans and their pointless need to greet one another. I don't see the point to it, but the situation dictates that I continue in the pleasantries, "How are you, Jadzia?"

"Fine," She laughs, blushing, "What are you up to?"

"Nothing," My name- _Odo-Ittal_ literally means 'nothing'. Seems like that's all I ever am up to. Just doing my job, day-in-day-out.

"I half expected to find Garack here," She says with a smile.

I find this odd, "Why do you say that?"

"I mean, the guy stows away on a ship, gets you captured, commits treason against two-thirds of the powers in the Alpha Quadrant and-" Her eyes fill with mirth as a chuckle falls from her lips. She pauses here, as if rethinking what she was about to say.

"And tortured me?"

"...yes..."

"I don't find that very funny."

"Sorry..." She shirks backwards as if she just ate some bad _maklok _sauce. I scoff at her.

"It's okay. You know I have breakfast with him."

"I do... it's just... I don't understand how you can bear it."

I take a breath, "There are... worse pains than being unable to change shape."

"Like being unable to change how you feel?" Her eyes- they do that annoying thing humans do when the speak of reproduction to me. I suppress the urge to groan in annoyance.

"I will not be punishing the officer for being late. Technically he was in the office by 0800. Albeit he was a bit preoccupied..."

Jadzia smiles and gets up, "Thanks Odo."

I wave her off pleasantly, "Now go find something else to occupy your time with."

She pauses before leaving, "Odo?"

"Yes?"

"I kind of wish... you knew what it was like to love."

With that devastating blow, she leaves.

I know what love is. It's knowing life. It's not being awake or asleep, but both at the same time. It's understanding why the galaxy really exists. It's purer than order, and more powerful than anything I have ever known.

I guess I don't really know what love is. I just feel it. Someday, though, I will find out how humans change on the inside, how they can go from loving one being to loving another. Until then, I remain, standing still.

Absolutely still.


	2. Chapter 2

This takes place during the Laas episode.

I pray.

From the time I could first speak, I've had faith in the Prophets, faith that someday they would save us, that they would drive away the Cardassians and bring peace to Bajor. But, sadly, the Prophets let bad things happen. It's because they choose to, just like we choose to believe in them. I could waste time trying to explain why bad things happen to innocents, but to be simple; the Prophets let things happen to us, we just have to have faith that they have a plan. Usually it's enough. But sometimes...

I pray.

My... boyfriend? Odo, he's a shape-shifter, which sounds like an interesting but it's really not an issue. Strangely, it sounds more exotic than it really is. I mean, it's not like he just turns into a couch whenever I get tired! Although... that's the problem now. That's why I have to ask the Prophets for help. So...

I pray.

Another shape-shifter has arrived on the station. This one doesn't want to totally destroy all solids. So that's a plus. Unfortunately, when it comes to his fellow shape-shifters, Odo gets... confused. The man who is usually a determined, unstoppable bloodhound of focus and justice gets easily sidetracked. I tried to ignore the feeling of fear in my stomach, but... Every night, I did what I had to do.

I pray.

It sounds stupid to the faithless- but to be honest, it helps. I know They're watching over him. Or at least, I hope they are. How do gods view other gods? Anyways, so this other shape-shifter, Laas, gives us the typical _liquid_ tirade- all solids are bad, they are all stupid, they are all limited. He tried my patience. But with Odo... I don't know what's going through his head. So...

I pray.

Laas killed a Klingon. He did it so effortlessly, so... impartially. Like killing an insect. One, two, and a lifelong friend of someone, and a son to another is dead. So they detained him. It crushed Odo. If you've never seen the person you love in pain, let me tell you, there is nothing like it, nothing at all. I would rather have my limbs ripped off. I would rather _die_ than deal with it. But I can't. If I could make that trade, I would, but I can't.

I pray.

I have an actual shrine now. Stupid, I suppose, to pray after helping a murderer escape but... Odo needs this. He needs to see that I love him, that it's okay for him to leave me. Right in the middle of a war between two quadrants of the galaxy, and I'm here fighting with my boyfriend. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it was important to me. I know that, to the Jem'Hadar, shape-shifters are gods. I wonder if they pray too?

I pray.

I pray for Odo's safety, even Laas'. I pray that they are not forced into the Dominion. I accept, finally that he's gone, and he's not coming back, when... he appears. The Prophets have a plan. He came back for me. I tell him I'm sorry if he ever felt like he had to hide himself. He looks at me, as if for the first time, and then... I don't know how to say this, but for the first time, I can understand how the soulless Jem'Hadar, and the unethical Vorta, can worship the shape-shifters. It's not just their abilities, or the genetics imbued in the soldiers of the Dominion. It is the shape-shifters themselves. Odo transforms himself into something beautiful. Like a god. He swirls around me with light and color and...

I pray.


End file.
